things that i haven’t done/experienced yet (but would like to eventually) include:
- undergoing severe cramps and respiratory afflictions caused by laughter
- training martial arts such as ninjitsu, capoeira, judo, and/or iaido
- having extreme adrenal rushes caused by activities such as skydiving, free jumping, extreme curling, or being robbed at gun point
- being involved in a serious relationship with the opposite sex
- watching the boondock saints, garden state and napoleon dynamite, movies prescribed to me by herman
- being in a small independent band that will break up after the first album bombs
- single-handedly writing, producing, and directing a small film that gets nominated but loses in the end
- feeling good about myselfmarrying someone female, preferably with big eyes and red lips
- dying
- getting in a rude and violent dispute with a superior at work and yelling “you can’t fire me! i quit!” before leaving their office
- making money to buy diapers, baby food, and pacifiers
- having twins, a baby girl and a baby boy, named anastasia and superfly
things that i have done/experienced already (that i wish i hadn’t) include:
- eating 3 servings of lunch aboard a cruise
- getting hit by a sheet of road filth when a truck passed by
- getting hooked on phonics
- beating up that kid at summer camp
- getting shot in the eye by my older cousin: kelvin, who was boasting a 12 mm air-soft handgun at the time
- being dumped
- breaking up with someone
- eating black liquorice