Yesterday I figured out the last layer of the Rubik’s cube (i.e. Edward Chu’s Rubik’s cube) and I was thoroughly satisfied. I’ve since been solving the damned thing all day long (through my classes and on the bus). There’s something about the way it all comes together at the end that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Anyway, that’s one thing I can cross off my “Quirky” list of things to learn to do.
Over the past year or so, I’ve been getting recurring thoughts all lilly-stepping around the theme of updating and changing my surroundings. To be more precise, I’ve been plagued (or is it blessed?) with these–almost–convictions about having to change for a little less than two years. I’ve never bothered to pay it too much thought; afterall, who does enjoy being disturbed from their comfortable roosts? Stubbornness is indeed one of my many vices (though it may serve virtuous purposes at times) and so I’ve never seriously considered it a form of divine prodding.
Of course, not everything was immediately shown to be in need of change, but very specific things did ask for it. For example, although I cannot honestly claim to be particularly fervent or steadfast in my prayers, I’ve encountered some items that, whenever brought before the King on High, cause my head to (figuratively) explode with warning signs.
Turn right. Turn left. Turn around. For the love of God (that is, Me) do not go on.
Me, being the foolish child that I am (I think I rightly count myself as nothing wiser than a speechless babe before the Designer of… well, for example, the Biology stuff that I can only begin to grasp) waved off these advices and kept on, much to my own (and surely others’) detriment. Some things are better learned the hard way but I lament the fact that I have not been blessed with the faith needed to dutifully obey, or–perhaps more accurately put–to trust, the counsel of a most wise God.
Here is where nay-sayers try and tell me that it was all in my mind, that I was in myself conflicted with myself. That may have been the case but I don’t understand how I could have repeated bouts of “Don’t get into this.” when it was my very own self-same intentions that egged me on. Like Christ said (though in a slightly different context, I suppose), a person/kingdom/etc. can’t be divided against himself (Mark 3:24).
Nay-sayers aside, I regretfully ask for forgiveness in advance if my disobedience to the steady and faithful instruction of the Spirit will be greiving you. I will hereby repent of such open rebellion and, doomed as I may be to this earthly weakness, I will strive for a higher goal than complacency. I hope our family of brothers (and sisters) at Jaffray can support one another in this, the greatest of all callings. I honestly don’t know what more to say. I’m sorry for my transgressions, for any pain my ignoring of warnings may have/soon cause, and I will not so pridefully stride neck-deep into such crafty, dangerous waters again.