I’ve put some thought into it, and I guess now’s a time as good as any to put it plainly for people to read. One of the trickiest things I’ve come across is deciding exactly what qualities would be absolutely necessary in a relationship between a boy (myself) and a girl (not myself) if I am ever to hope to be pleasing and holy in this particular part of life. I am in no way suggesting that the following are the only right things to consider, but consider it with an open-mind if you are so enabled.
First and foremost, both people involved need to be Believers. This isn’t about whether Believers are better or worse people than non-Believers. Rather, there is no way I could possibly see anything reminiscent of Christ in my companion if she herself does not even acknowledge the overarching truth of His existence, person, character, or divinity. There’s no way two people with such radically different views about the fundamental truths of life could be harmonious at the heart of things, and so there is little to no point in even considering anything remotely resembling romantic and passionate love presently. Though difficult to swallow at times, 2 Cor. 6:14 is a part of God’s Word for a reason.
The next thing that’s necessary, not so much as a prerequisite but more as a common goal to work towards, would be that two people be able to work on one another and with one another towards the common goal of becoming more obedient to the will and person of Christ, as individuals and as a couple. The defining mark of a Christian is that they, however imperfectly and weakly, demonstrate an obedience to God’s word and Christ’s example. I know for a fact how far I’ve yet to go before I could ever hope to called God’s own by my actions and my meditations, but that is all the more reason to seek companionship in someone who is able to keep me accountable and with whom I can talk openly about such weighty matters. Again, there’s no point of thinking about such things in terms where only one half of the union believes since there is no correction where there is no law.
Lastly (this is by far not an exhaustive list) I would argue that two people be compatible with one another. This is vague, but it’s also the least important of the three things I’ve mentioned. Two people, whether dating, courting, or marrying one another, really do need to be compatible. Sometimes, there are things which can be worked and struggled through, but if we are talking about their personalities at the core, it would appear to me that a stubborn attitude towards forcing unnecessary change upon someone else–essentially changing your partner or yourself in terms of who you are–is doing injustice to who that person was made to be. On the other hand, just because two people are compatible, though it’s painful to admit, does not mean that anything other than friendship ought to necessarily follow if these two people are not both God-fearing/loving people and if they cannot speak openly about eternal matters with one another.
Obviously, I’m neither happily married nor do I claim to have the necessary experience to say that these are certain things to be mindful of, but as of now I do think they are a good set of guidelines to help keep the eyes and mind on the right things. Now, if only the rest of me would agree.