This lovely little read popped up on my GR just now and it nailed me. Here’s an excerpt with emphasis from me (click here for the full post by Abraham Piper):
The second way to understand the letter is to see it (along with the numerous comments that follow) as abundant evidence that, to many, Calvinists come across as self-righteous, condescending, arrogant, unfriendly, argumentative, and even stingy. The fact that we’re not all that way is irrelevant in the same way that it didn’t matter to Molly that I had done three things to show I appreciate her—she still felt unappreciated. Her frustration was true because, whether or not I was grateful to my wife, I was perceived as an ingrate. Similarly, the frustration in the letter is true because, whether or not the Calvinists in the letter-writer’s church are good folks, they come off as proud and divisive jerks. Those Calvinists, as church members, and I, as a husband, should change based on this information, regardless of how “inaccurately” the frustration may be worded.
This is a subject I’ve discussed with Kris about before, about how I (as an individual) am generally not the most diplomatic person around when it comes to rights and wrongs, or “correctness” according to the Bible. And yet, I’m not an expert in systematic theology nor am I a Bible scholar… so really, I have little official credentials to go around saying “This is what the Bible says”… unless, of course, it’s one of those very obvious, very fundamental truths.
I feel a little bit like I ought to feel like I’m in limbo, caught between wanting to plead the obvious case where the Bible serves as all the evidence/instruction needed and not knowing enough to be considered qualified for it. I ought to feel like that, but I don’t. Although I could very well stray from what is Biblically true if I start a rampage of “This is correct!” without Biblical proof, but I try very hard to not do that (please, stop me and correct me if I do).
Regardless of correctness, however, I realize that an ingrateful or uncompromising attitude generally isn’t what would win people over for Christ. I shall work on it. In the mean time, go read the whole article if you haven’t already.