Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
Interested. We all get it for specific other people, right? Sometimes more so than others, admittedly, but nevertheless, pretty much everyone knows what it’s like to be interested in someone else (and you just know I mean the way where you’d get slightly-to-severely bothered by just wondering about mutuality of interest).
As a general rule of thumb, I think boys get interested before girls. I might be horribly wrong, since I’ve no means of plotting these things on a linear timeline. I hypothesize and reason that boys get interested before girls because of a few things that are pretty much programed into the sexes. First off, boys interact largely through our visual sense, so it makes sense that boys’ interests would be easier to pique since seeing an attractive (looking) girl is easier than discovering attractiveness in someone’s character through the usual means of conversation and fellowship. Second, if traditional gender-roles exist for any good reasons at all (and I believe some of them do), then boys probably should get interested first if the very laws of nature dictate that they should initiate–you have to know first if you’re going to be acting first.
In any case, this is besides the point. It might be the culture-rebel in me, but I much disagree with the general consensus that the best way to foster a deeper relationship with someone is to let this person occupy more of your thought-life. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean: stuff like day dreaming about all the possibilities with your Interest, dwelling on the qualities of your Interest that make them interesting, etc…. Might I suggest something that takes another route? Indeed, I might!
Of course, I don’t think I’m necessarily the best person to ask for relationship advice (I’ve had my fair share of slightly borked interactions in my short seventeen and a half years of life) but I think I might have had a revelation (albeit awhile ago) about this. Of course, day dreaming about and dwelling on this Interest from time to time is pretty much unavoidable but perhaps a conscious effort should be made to spend time with oneself asking important questions such as “Who can I become to be a blessing to this person?” or “How can I be sculpted to compliment this person?” or “How can my interest in this person be channeled to constructive, purposeful, meaningful, life-long developments?”
Instead of focusing on all the reasons (imagined or otherwise) why this person deserves your (or my) attention and affection, perhaps it is more important to spend time coming to terms with all the virtues you (or I) still lack. Not only does this help prevent fast-tracking of intimacy (i.e. imagining devotion that has not yet been earned), but it also forces you to become a more whole person in yourself.
You should first face your own Demons (character flaws, inner fears, self-doubts, etc…) as a child-hero before going off to fight the Dragon and proving your love for the Princess. If you fail to gain a good understanding of yourself, you’ll either lose to the Dragon because of your hubris and hamartia (thus failing your Princess) or you’ll triumph over the wrong Dragon and fail to find your Princess in the proverbial Tower. Love shouldn’t be earned, but it should be fought for.
Now, I’m pretty sure you’ve realized by now that I’ve been writing from a mainly male POV of how to go about all this. I think the first part about introspection is applicable to both genders, but this last little bit about slaying Demons and Dragons, not so much, perhaps. I probably shouldn’t write too much about this at the moment (having, honestly, put less thought into this than in what directly concerns myself) excepting that girls have equally trying and rewarding (though distinctly different) roles to play too.
In conclusion, I do believe I’ve come a long way from simply wishing things will work out for me if I just let nature run its course to believing strongly that anything truly rewarding must first be deeply desired, persistently pursued, and finally (as opposed to immediately) fulfilled before it can be truly worth anything to anyone.