I’d like to think of myself as quite the aspiring thinker (but what exactly does that entail?). Yes, in one sweeping moment of vanity, I’ve just admitted to thinking myself an interesting individual with interesting ideas! And yet, I regret (rhyme’d!) none of it, for it is finally time to begin my spectacufabular (and probably sporadic) series of posts outlining (and hopefully securing) some of my most awesome ideas!
What better way to kick this new what will undoubtedly be a wacky series of posts than with one of my greatest ideas to date: Friction Man. When you think of superheros or supervillains (I personally am a bit annoyed that most villains excepting the likes of Magneto and Doctor Octavius have deplorable-at-best superpowers), what do you think of? Most heroes or villains usually have pretty neat powers like flying or super strength, or in Gob’s case, a wicked crime-fighting chicken dance. Well, FM is here to break all those rules! The super world of superness will never be the same again once Friction Man hits the scene with his awesome powers.
As you’ve probably guessed (since it is quite glaringly obvious), Friction Man has got the power to manipulate friction coefficients for any and everything. Now, the fallout of such latently awesome powers (which can only be described from here on as being of the super category) is that many super things can be done. Fires can be started with the snap of the fingers. Lightning can be generated with the manipulation of a few cloud molecules. And most importantly, the womenses will be all like, “OMG, he controls friction! Just imagine the possibilities!” Yes, my sentiments exactly. Please do imagine. Now.
I haven’t worked out exactly how this power might come about (as none of the usual, run of the mill exposures to radioactive A or B could possibly result in such awesome, albeit unorthodox, powers). Perhaps, his mother was involved in some tragic curling accident while carrying him or his father was a master Greasemonkey coder of sorts. We may never know, since all true superhumans have mysterious, often hidden pasts. In any case, he now has pretty much the most awesome superpower ever known to mankind (as proved by your own imaginations, which are hopefully not entirely lewd). The only question remains, will the coefficients of the universe fluctuate for the good of mankind or will Friction Man totally take the badass route and cause a(n) universal “All your base are clusterf*ck’d”?** Who knows? No really, I haven’t decided yet!
** How’s that for appropriate use of fricatives? I actually am not too sure it even counts as one, but it sure seems like one and for all intents and purposes, I am correct.