Once in awhile it’s good to take a quick survey of yourself to get an idea of what you’re doing at the moment and what you could be doing differently. I find that I don’t do this nearly enough, so that whenever I finally get around to it I am more than slightly amazed at how unbearably mundane my life tends to get when I let it. Where are the surprises? From whence does (somewhat murderous) convention come? No one likes stale bread and neither do I.
In terms of my faith, there are lots of moments (more often than not, actually) where I think of what I’ve come to accept as “Christianity” or my “religion” and feel completely disgusted with it all. I try very hard to separate, at least in my mind, a life-giving faith in Christ from a stagnant religiousness. If you were to ask me, “religion” entails a lot of routine, tradition, and repetition, and although there are some things that should be repeated for the sake of memory (such as the Gospel’s truth and Communion), there are a lot of other things we at Jaffray do and live that really aren’t anything more than niceties. For example, the sermons we get often take the same minor-themes and repeat/re-preach them, dwelling on things that don’t really benefit believers as much as say, focusing on the exclusiveness of Christ’s message, or the sinner’s continual need for grace.
As for school, well, it’s almost out. I’ve got maybe a week left of review before I begin to write my papers for IB in May. After that, I’ll be done. I’m pretty sure high school’s going to end all too soon for me and I’ll be wondering where it all went in about a month or two, but in any case, at least by then it’ll be over and I’ll have decided on where I’ll be headed next year. We haven’t learned anything new since last week since we’ve covered everything already and so I feel more or less bored (review isn’t nearly as interesting as people will have you believe). If it weren’t for random little gestures here and there between Amy and myself and going out to play frisbee or grab a bite with friends, I’m pretty sure I would’ve just as likely stayed at home for the past week and would continue to do so for the coming one too. With the TTC strike, it looks like I’ll probably be doing that anyway, unless they miraculously get back to work by Monday.
And for everything/one else, I’m looking back and wondering where and why I spent all my time on the things/people I did. Perhaps my memory is failing, but I don’t seem to be able to recall a single reason for many of my past friendships and relations, apart from convenience. No wonder I got bored. Damn, that sounds harsh. Maybe I’ll have to retract that or at least add to it sometime soon. Or maybe I’ll let this one moment of more than slightly resentful reflection speak for itself.
And to all a good-freaking-night.
PS: I’ve discovered that it is surprisingly hard to be bored while sleeping. Hope that helps anyone out there with a similar proclivity towards weariness.