So I run, and hide, and tear myself up,
Start again with a brand new name
And eyes that see into infinity.
I will disappear.
I told you once and I’ll say it again.
I want my message read clear.
I’ll show you the way–the way I’m going.
I was almost there,
Just a moment away from becoming unclear. Ever get the feeling that you’re gone?
I’ll show you the way–away I’m going.
So I run, start again
With a brand new name.
So I run, and hide, and tear myself up–so I run.
I’ll start again with a brand new name–start again.
And eyes that see into infinity–with a brand new name.
I will disappear.
- 30 Seconds to Mars, Capricorn (A Brand New Name)
I’ve been going to badminton since the beginning of this term and so far, it’s been pretty decent. Here are some qualms I have, though:
5 things I think could be worked on at the badminton club:
executives making matches should care about making good matches
regular members should not be treated like second-class citizens to executives
promotions and demotions of skill levels should be rarer than willy-nilly
it should take more than one bad day to warrant probation
executives should have to wait their turns like everyone else
As you can see, I’m a little fed up with the general atmosphere of jackassery that some people exhibit at the club.
Tonight, I had been playing horribly (I’d have to say uncharacteristically horribly). I can’t be sure what went wrong, exactly. I mean, I probably didn’t get enough sleep last night and I probably should have eaten a smaller dinner, but in any case, the following is still very bullshit. I played doubles lazily (yeah it was probably the dinner) against someone in the Intermediate level who was paired with Old Guy. Old Guy is notorious not for being much older than everyone else at the club (he must be like, 50+) but for somehow being the in the Advanced level (he signed up as that) and no one is cruel enough to break the news to him that he probably doesn’t belong in that level. Epic collision ensues!
I’ve been playing lots of Rock Band (well, not lots, but whenever it’s convenient and Sam’s up for it) and I’ve gotten quite a taste for it. I don’t play too many music or rhythm inspired games (DJ Max Portable and Lumines, if that counts, along with now Rock Band). If anyone hasn’t played it before, and thinks they probably won’t like it, I’d suggest you give it a whirl (or at least a twirl) before you say no to it. I personally never understood what the big commotion was before I had ever played it, but now I’m smacking things happily and failing nailing all those guitar solos like the rest of us happy Band players.
In mostly unrelated news, I do believe with the end of October, my annual season of feeling more than a little depressed has, since starting, come into full bloom, with leaves falling and everything. I really can’t say (or maybe I don’t like saying) why I always feel so bad this time of year, but I do know that Halloween (yes, that’s last night, considering when I’m writing this) is pretty much my least favourite day of whatever. It’s right up there beside Valentine’s Day and those rainy spring mornings where you wake up and the sky is still dark and it’s cold and wet outside and you’ve got school or work and it’s too cold to not wear a coat and you just know it’s gonna be a miserable day and you want to lash out at something or go into the corner and cry, or like that one morning I had way back when when I woke up with “…big, big girl, in a big big world…” in my head and I cried myself back to sleep. I hate these days.
I don’t know, folks. I’m a complicated man with complicated problems and complicated thoughts, but I’d like something simple, something sweet. Will the Internets deliver?
there are still a lot of childrens (mostly small towners) that either are here for the expressed purpose of fooling around or think that their bite-sized “experience” is all there is to the world
ResNet LAN is a hassle (with its security “features” that lock users down in more ways than one)
UW Wireless is not much better (with its excellent connection strength but unreliable-at-best connection validation/availability)
classes repeating material I’ve done in my IB courses are now supposed to be bird courses, but that also means they are deathly boring to sit through (Economics, I’m looking at you)
the general lack of options or flexibility when making plans with friends and family in Toronto from here
I am not one to recklessly throw myself at every single event or gathering announced, since the ones I skip out on by volition are usually (as per my expectations) weak. But then there are things I can’t actually be around for that, if I had my way, I would love to be there for. It just sort of sucks to not be around when everyone else is, and then to be excluded. I suppose on the flipside, I could just get thoroughly involved here on campus with people here instead (not my usual, but nice) but then I don’t think I’ll be ready to forfeit what I’ve got back home any time soon to any takers. This has been my rant of starting school pains.
This was for an English assignment, but have a look anyway and see what you think. The original poem by cummings is linked at the bottom.
nothing happens in this stuffy drowned town
(with stacks so smoking healthy smog brown)
spring lever auto splinter
they buy their uses and sell their souls
buildings and builts(both ugly and tall)
filled with the living, not at all
slaving away the day and the night
sounds touch taste sights
people pressed(much more than a few
as more they commute, as more they stew
auto splinter spring lever)
as drivers stopped for more and more
this is how one kills belief
in lasting life and death that’s brief:
hear the show and see the song
overthink any and all your days
somedays buried by everydays
lost in borings that score a loss
(see hear pause but then)in
stead of living we opt for death
taste sights sounds touch
(not only the old but even now children
are people who ought to regret their existence
with stacks so smoking healthy smog brown)
one day i know i’ll leave i guess
(will no one care to hate this place?)
anyone hurry to fill my shoes
rattle the cages and wage the battles.
malls and malls for seek and keep
and store by store to steal your reap
not one will anyone please come april
and yet you wish as if by will…
buildings and builts(in which we cling
lever auto splinter spring)
will sub living and fix despite
sounds touch taste sights
- Carl Wong, nothing happens (parody, see: anyone lived by e. e. cummings)
Once in awhile it’s good to take a quick survey of yourself to get an idea of what you’re doing at the moment and what you could be doing differently. I find that I don’t do this nearly enough, so that whenever I finally get around to it I am more than slightly amazed at how unbearably mundane my life tends to get when I let it. Where are the surprises? From whence does (somewhat murderous) convention come? No one likes stale bread and neither do I.
In terms of my faith, there are lots of moments (more often than not, actually) where I think of what I’ve come to accept as “Christianity” or my “religion” and feel completely disgusted with it all. I try very hard to separate, at least in my mind, a life-giving faith in Christ from a stagnant religiousness. If you were to ask me, “religion” entails a lot of routine, tradition, and repetition, and although there are some things that should be repeated for the sake of memory (such as the Gospel’s truth and Communion), there are a lot of other things we at Jaffray do and live that really aren’t anything more than niceties. For example, the sermons we get often take the same minor-themes and repeat/re-preach them, dwelling on things that don’t really benefit believers as much as say, focusing on the exclusiveness of Christ’s message, or the sinner’s continual need for grace.
As for school, well, it’s almost out. I’ve got maybe a week left of review before I begin to write my papers for IB in May. After that, I’ll be done. I’m pretty sure high school’s going to end all too soon for me and I’ll be wondering where it all went in about a month or two, but in any case, at least by then it’ll be over and I’ll have decided on where I’ll be headed next year. We haven’t learned anything new since last week since we’ve covered everything already and so I feel more or less bored (review isn’t nearly as interesting as people will have you believe). If it weren’t for random little gestures here and there between Amy and myself and going out to play frisbee or grab a bite with friends, I’m pretty sure I would’ve just as likely stayed at home for the past week and would continue to do so for the coming one too. With the TTC strike, it looks like I’ll probably be doing that anyway, unless they miraculously get back to work by Monday.
And for everything/one else, I’m looking back and wondering where and why I spent all my time on the things/people I did. Perhaps my memory is failing, but I don’t seem to be able to recall a single reason for many of my past friendships and relations, apart from convenience. No wonder I got bored. Damn, that sounds harsh. Maybe I’ll have to retract that or at least add to it sometime soon. Or maybe I’ll let this one moment of more than slightly resentful reflection speak for itself.
And to all a good-freaking-night.
PS: I’ve discovered that it is surprisingly hard to be bored while sleeping. Hope that helps anyone out there with a similar proclivity towards weariness.
Aside: Herman has good taste in musicks! Credits and e-golds to him.
Before anyone makes any body-cavity or gender-confusion jokes (yes, Krassikov, I mean you), have a listen to this song by Schuyler Fisk. She’s a bit of a dork (in the good way) and I rather like her voice. Enjoy! I fully plan on learning this song. Oh, and the shamefully sincere lyrics after the jump.
