the P.Pole v.2.1

“thank you God.” was my first thought. from the very moment she walked in, i knew that i’d want to know her better. with a dancer’s elegance and calculated movements she flounced by, her thigh just barely grazing my elbow, causing the hairs on the nape of my neck to stand on end. as i ventured a glimpse, i witnessed beauty and features rivaling those of a goddess, a face chiseled from the purest, most awe-inspiring of diamonds. her eyes were so deep and vast that i thought i had drifted off into the outermost limits of space, doomed to drift forever in the endless nebulas that are her eyes…

“oh wow, how big and pretty your eyes are!”

“the better to hypnotize you with.”

“my, how graceful your movements are!”

“the better to charm you with.”

“mm… how luscious the fragrance of your hair is!”

“the better to intoxicate you with.”

“my God, how dazzling your smile is!”

“the better to blind you with…”

and so the conversation in my mind continued until my thoughts were wholly consumed by her image. being the partial introvert that i am, i decided to sit quietly as she worked her voodoo and enjoy the moment.

as time went by, i reluctantly fell into the “friend” category, a denomination i had vowed to outgrow. the more i learned about her, the more i wanted to learn. conversations with her became like a drug to me, always craving more. and soon i realized, i have fallen into this woman’s enticing snare.

what is this feeling i hold in my chest?! could it be… yes, it is! but alas, i mustn’t let the beast control its master. i must regain consciousness. i must hide this monster and shackle it to my heart to hang there as a burdening weight much like an anchor, lest he break free and cause havoc and destruction on such a fragile liaison…

the perfect mix of grace and beauty; of brains and brawn; of mind and body… when she skips my heart follows suit, when she laughs i hear angels’ song. how can i endure not confessing my secret attachment to her?! must i always resort to indirect, double entendres to voice my thoughts to her? oh why have the heavens cursed me so? to be able to love in secret but not in the open… i must declare, this is punishment unfit for a condemned murderer yet i am the one who must carry out this life sentence. must i bring with me this affliction wherever my feet fall? where is the justice in this pale world of ours?

oh if only you knew.

attention: the following is not necessarily presented in chronological order.

this month i’ve managed to:
-feel like crap*
-continue to fall in love with a girl
-fall out of love with a girl
-get sabotage’d AGAIN
-return to school from Christmas holidays (yay…)
-eat several portions of coffee haägendazs*
-get sabotage’d
-check over my shoulder everytime i took a leak or walked down poorly lit hallways/corridors^
-watch “AVP” on DVD
-get horribly sick and miss school and church because of the aforementioned illness
-get sabotage’d A THIRD TIME
-fall in love with a different girl
-watch “AVP” on DVD AGAIN
-fall out of love with the other girl
-start the “p-pole”
-fall in love with the first girl AGAIN
-borrow american idiot from my cousin
-learn how to spell “onomatopoeia” among other vocabulary words “apprendre’d“
-bitch and whine about my crummy life*
-”write” an article through theft of others’ material
-learn to play the intro to “i hear you calling” by GOB on my guitar
-sit through and pwn my science exam
-piss off a couple people *
-rectify a couple of conflicts/disagreements i’ve had with certain individuals

note: starred items (*) are unconfirmed facts (i.e. either frequency or actual occurrence cannot be confirmed); however, as an issue of sheer probability, starred items have most likely happened with the time frame of 30 days. thus, are listed among my list of things accomplished in January.

note: accentuated items (^) are the results of these simple mathematical equations:
let x = sabotage, let y = “alien versus predator”, let a = accentuated items.

(paraphrased from bash.org)

A: I’m going to be the next Hitler.

B: Oh really? [insert "8-)"]

A: That’s right.

B: What’s so important that needs to be done that you’d need to become a reincarnation of the Second Anitchrist to do?!

A: Well, the first thing I’m going to do is kill all the Jews. Yep, and then, one clown.

B: ONE clown?! What the -?!

A: SEE? You hate them too! NO ONE cares about the Jews…

B: Oh shut up.

i’m breaking my back just to know your name, but i know this feeling that i have inside of me: my belly’s burning and it’s turning, don’t you see? you’re an extraordinary girl but i lack the courage in my mind. you make me feel so alive that i think, “heads or tails?” fairy tales in my mind… when i sleep, i dream and it gets me by.

i thought i ran into you down on the street the other day but then it turned out to only be a dream. It’s like a bittersweet migrane in my head; take away this sensation inside. i can’t take this feeling anymore: this sensation is overwhelming.

she’s so confident that she’s what everybody wants, but nobody wants her to know that. seventeen tries and i’ve had it with this game. just give me what i want and no one gets hurt. no more standing around, i’ve said it, “get off your ass and we’ll go get it, you’ll see. take a chance on me.”

my hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption. my heart’s yours to fill or burst, to break or bury…

hands down, this is the best day i can remember. i thought about you in my bed last night: might as well have jammed the forceps in my eyes and kept them open through the night. in my dreams i have cried at your feet. tell me, was it wasted? we’re too deep now to ever swim against the current, so let’s drift away…

look into my eyes, see my heart that’s raced from self control… i don’t know why it’s hard now… don’t tell me that i won’t feel a thing… i guess this is what it’s like when worlds collide.

i see what you’re doing to me. why did you have to look the other way? i walked with you, talked with you, i still can’t help but thinking… all the things that i’ve regretted, all the places i was headed with you… i know that you don’t care but i want you to know: i’ll always remember the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair… it could’ve been you so easily…

i remember when it was breaking my heart, even though then i was falling apart. and your drugs are bleeding, so sweet yet fleeting but my memories are sinking…

i remember the face but i can’t recall the name, and now i wonder how whatsername has been… i’ll never turn back time if my memories serve me right. if i could find a souvenir, just to prove the world was here, here it is: a broken heart. i think of you and let it go…

credits: dashboard confessionals, gob, goldfinger, greenday, led zeppelin, pilate, powerman 5000, relient k, the killers, thousand foot krutch, u2, yellowcard, and any artist/band i might’ve missed.

i haven’t been writing much lately because of “culminating activities” at school, which is college talk for “last ditch effort to make you work before the end of the semester”, nevermind the exams coming up, although i’m not too worried. school is the suck. but half the quota of annual school suck is over. that’s right, for us luckly school goers in semestered schools, we have our first four exams. unfortunately for OTHER students, you know who you are, there are 8 (or less i guess) “mid-terms”, which is college talk for “what you get for going to non-semestered schools”, waiting for you *giggles at you*.

but seriously, i’ve been keeping a little black book (just replace black with grey-ish and book with spring/coil notebook). i write my ideas and thoughts (which are the same things i guess) and lyrics that apply to me and just about anything i see/hear/smell/touch/taste/ imagine/dream up/hallucinate/etcetera… well, i was just reading over some of these notes and i noticed i was lacking filler for my posts. in the past three days i had only managed to scribble out a few interesting lines and a couple mushy lyrics down. since realizing that, i’ve decided to jot more of my ideas down, “lest we forget”.

“Lately it just seems to me
Like we’ve got the letters A-D-D.”
- maintain consciousness - relient k

this idea is useful for incredulously unfortunate, forgetful souls, like me.

“More Sex Than Me” music video by TISM)
*i, as you’ve probably guessed, find cuniculus sex jokes to be highly amusing*
EDIT: added “smash your face” for herman.