the P.Pole v.2.1

[...]

- The White Stripes, Hypnotize

And so you have come one more mile.
I pray, for many more you’ll smile.
Frankly, I’m thankly to the Lord,
‘Cause without you, I’d be so bored.

A happy birthday to la fille du forehead.

High up on you- you display,
Good traits, though few.
We’ve found, time alone will tell.
This disease, keeps me holding me down.

- Chevelle, An Evening With El Diablo

Chevelle almost always seems to strike a chord.

short post, before i off to relax.

5 things that happened today:

• started reading I Was Just Wondering by Philip Yancey
• realized just how boring school really is
• started reeling from headache
• finished my essay
• discovered that i’ve had a subconscious appreciation / fetish for vampiric teeth all along (like my hair fetish)

what part of getting your blood sucked isn’t a turn-on? biting, blood, what more could you ask for? i know, that sounds like something Angelina Jolie would say but hey, i wouldn’t mind, as long as she was a fempire and one without STD’s. safety first, kids.

EDIT: Angelina Jolie? Hehehe… She’s very pretty. *winks*

Woooooooo… What a week. Well right now I’m feeling pretty good (yeah, I know, I’m shocked too). Let’s see… I don’t actually remember a lot of this past week — maybe that’s why it’s been a good one… -__-” I do remember having a lot of work and whatnot. I also remember a little pre-lab quiz i took today.
Apparently I was supposed to read up on a set of instructions for a lab to be conducted today. Well, needless to say I didn’t (because it slipped my mind, probably because I was slaving over an essay last night) and so I was completely unprepared for it. The questions were: “Describe the positive test for Oxygen.”, “What’s the name of the indicator used to test for acidity?”, “How many drops of this indicator will be used?”, and “What substance will the metals be introduced into?”. I somehow, by the grace of God, guessed 3/4 answers. Glowing splint test, (blank), 3 drops, and water were my answers. I got all three of my answers that I’d guessed right and my friend, who actually read up on it, now hates me for it. I didn’t guess that the second answer was “**phenalphthalein”, but hey, that’s just a bit TOO fluky if I’d ‘guessed’ that.
I’ve also been required to thesis-ize and outline-ate my essay in one night, and write the entire first draft the night after. That was actually not that bad, despite me sleeping at eleven (sort of late for me) for a couple nights in a row. Well, my essay is looking pretty solid so far — I chose a good topic with a variety of well supported points — so I’m not too worried about it.
Not such a great topic without much supporting evidence is the fact that some people at my school have a certain… je ne sais quoi… for me. I actually find it a bit ironic that these people — other guys, if I’m not mistaken / misinformed — dislike me because a) I do well in school, and/or b) I do not particularly socialize with them. Now if they were of the touchy kind of girls that believe it to be a contemptible offence to not talk to them, I’d feel at least a little sorry. However, they most definitely are not delicate females, which only further urges me on to laugh at their presumptions. Apparently, not only do men now wear make-up, they can now act like women. What a world we live in, huh? Apparently, I am arrogant, antisocial, and a nazi by trade.
Hm, now I wonder… what did I ever do to deserve such labels? I’m not particularly bugged about such remarks (though I am blogging about it for lack of juicier material) but I want to try and figure out what part of my day to day, mind - my - own - business and keep - to - myself ways would instigate such hostility… Maybe they think that because I don’t particulary choose their company over that of my two great school “say-dong”s [kinda like... "death brothers" in chinese], I am now, by polarization, opposed to… them being alive? Haha, that’s pretty funny.

Johnny boy always played the fool.
He broke all the rules,
So you would think he was cool.

- P.O.D., Youth Of The Nation (excerpt)

Sadly, I don’t think that they’ve learned what I’ve learned: that one needs not receive [any] attention from another [whatsoever] to be on good terms with them. I seriously have nothing against these people, and I had even tried to befriend them (as they were new) in the first weeks of school. Adversely — and much to my chagrin (I love that word) — they decided from these very first (and what I would think to be better than normal) impressions of my character that I am arrogant and insolent. How did that happen? Beats me, but that’s alright. That’s what I get for reaching out and actually making an effort towards being charming and friendly. :T Okay, so this does bug me — just a little bit — but it is out of my hands.
Moving right along, tomorrow will be Sandwich Run, which I have high hopes for. I don’t know why, as I’d think that someone as cold as I would not enjoy such activities. I was and am however, quite drawn to the running of the bread + filler. It’s just a great feeling knowing that you are given the chance to help people. It’s also a good time for casual chit chat among team memebers about whatever thoughts befall them.

“What should we do then?” the crowd asked.
John answered, “The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.”

- Luke 3:10-11 [show]<div class="esv"><h2>Luke 3:10-11 <object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.esvapi.org/assets/play.swf?myUrl=hw%2F42003010-42003011" width="40" height="12" class="audio"><param name="movie" value="http://www.esvapi.org/assets/play.swf?myUrl=hw%2F42003010-42003011" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /></object></h2> <div class="esv-text"><p id="p42003010.01-1"><span class="verse-num" id="v42003010-1">10&nbsp;</span>And the crowds asked him, &#8220;What then shall we do?&#8221; <span class="verse-num" id="v42003011-1">11&nbsp;</span>And he answered them, &#8220;Whoever has two tunics<span class="footnote">&nbsp;<a href="#f1" id="b1" title="Greek 'chiton', a long garment worn under the cloak next to the skin">[1]</a></span> is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise.&#8221; (<a href="http://www.esv.org" class="copyright">ESV</a>)</p> </div> <div class="footnotes"> <h3>Footnotes</h3> <p><span class="footnote"><a href="#b1" id="f1">[1]</a></span> <span class="footnote-ref">3:11</span> Greek <em>chiton</em>, a long garment worn under the cloak next to the skin </p> </div> </div>

I’ve taken up the whimsical hobby of carefully analyzing fellow bus-riders to do sketches of them later on. I think I shall be posting some — if they’re any good — soon. It’s surprising how very interesting the normally mundane can be with the just the right amount (and that’s a lot) of observation. It’s fun to make calculated guesses as to the personalities of others by just watching their mannerisms from across the aisle, though nothing beats first hand conversation in terms of accuracy. I am a public menace. I know of at least 3 or 4 people I’ve probably scared by staring intently at them for several minutes on end. God’s creation is just too fascinating to pass up.
Today, as I was waiting for a friend after school (one of my ’say-dong’s, Kishon), another friend ambushed me and cupped hands over my be-glasses-ed eyes from behind. Just by the two different scents on her wrists, I knew it was my friend from last year’s french, math, and english classes, Joce. We talked a bit about what was happening with ourselves as Kishon gathered his stuff. It turns out our friendship wasn’t totally killed with that little verbal altercation we had over the summer, which was somewhat of a relief. I would later learn of Kishon’s intense — mock, hopefully — jealousy, as he’s always had a… shall we say ’soft spot’ for my friend. I reassured him that Joce was like that to every one of her friends, but jealous boys will be boys. Kishon’s great, always up for cheering me up with his random comments and more-often-than-not humorous pokes at my/himself. He’s also quite proficient with sexual innuendos, if you were wondering.
Today I also learned first hand of God’s provision in all things, even to the tiniest details. Let me explain: there was a pizza lunch scheduled for today. Knowing this, I decided on not bringing a lunch to school. Oh how mistaken I was. It turns out that the promised pizza was not to come until after school.
So now I’m stuck without food and drink, starving to begin with. Thank God for friends, especially true friends like Shivon. After hearing of my misfortune, he offered me half of his sandwich. Declining this, I borrowed a dollar fifty from him for a chocolate bar (that I would end up not eating for lack of hunger). Unwilling to accept my hunger for what it was, he very kindly gave to me a large portion of apple slices prepared for him by his mother. What a friend.
Thanking God for the friend and food, I partook in the kind offering. If this wasn’t enough, another friend — not actually, more like acquiantance since we don’t normally talk that much — that I had talked to about her problems the other day — only because I had felt moved to inquire about it — offered me her second beef patty in math class. God always manages to provide — and not always/almost never through the most logical/expected means.
I also talked some stuff out with a good friend this week who made me feel all the more reassured of God’s presence here with me. It’s kinda strange and almost sick, but God used the same stumbling block for the both of us so we’d have someone to relate with. I’d say that’s another example of God using the messed up to His glory. Can I get a “w00t!” for God? ^-^
And those were the highlights of this past week.

EDIT: Yes Sherm, I have noticed that too. My first sandwich run two years ago was pretty… interesting. The second wasn’t so cool as we didn’t find that many people, though perhaps that’s a good thing — meaning they were out of the cold and hopefully somewhere warm.

i woke up this morning to realize that i dreamt in french. anothing thing to add to my list of “Random/Freaky Talents/Forms of Retardation That I Am Capable Of”.

5 stupid things people (including me in some cases) do that i don’t understand:

• low riding - i don’t do this one, simply because it really is stupid. it limits the range of movement of my legs, not to mention low riding may leave key parts of your body exposed. this should be taken in extra consideration as it is growing cold and frostbite on such sensitive areas can be fatal.
• not study - i’m very guilty of this one. to be unprepared for a test is like walking into a cinema without… your eyes or something. okay, bad example but you get what i mean. sadly enough, i’ve not got the motivation or the proper know-how as to how to study. my mind likes to skip around from flower to flower, never dwelling too long on one subject, which makes for a slight case of ADD.
• wear make-up - what can i say, i wear make up. everyday. mounds of it. jokes aside, this stuff is gross. not only does it not REALLY make people (i won’t say “girls” as now there really are men who wear the stuff) all that much pretty, it’s actually horrible for your skin, making them even more dependent on that gross stuff. i believe most girls out there would look better (dunno about their insides) if they didn’t plaster themselves with artificial crap all the time.
• waste money on Xbox 360 - i’m not guilty of this one. may the Lord deal ever so severely with me if i were to ever purchase one of these. enough said.
• put instruction labels on shampoo - i’d not have them on there if i were the maker of shampoo. seriously, the next person who does not know how to use shampoo deserves to be burnt in the eye: “oh… put it on your hair BEFORE wetting it. i see now.” what? like they’re gonna leave it in and not rinse OR repeat if you don’t tell them? or maybe if they’re lucky they’ll put in their eyes. “ouch it burns. a lot. now i know not to do it again.” it would waste my money as a manufacturer to print the labels.

talk about stupid, i am very. all i’ve got are these lyrics to give you.

We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by.
I know you have sacrificed time,
life, love, time to fly.
Please consider all things trite,
Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know to have something like this broken,
Is hard to fix.

- Mae, Embers and Envelopes

…”Relient K isn’t emo.” was horribly mistaken. Oh don’t worry, I’m not really feeling all that emo right now - at least not to me. Then again, the last time I judged myself (i.e. five seconds ago), I said that I didn’t feel excruciatingly lonely. That sets me at 0 for 2. I’m the biggest loser in the world, which explains why I’m always last place everywhere. I sure hope I’ve never made anyone feel the way I do now, though I already know I have.

Excuse me, but I’ve got a request.
Could you take the gag off of my mouth?
I admit, that I’m fairly impressed,
‘Cause you’re the best at blocking me out.

I believe, that we weren’t quite done.
I know it’s hard to hear me out again.
I realize, you’re not the only one,
Who’s terrified of life from end to end.

Hey hey, can you hear anything I say?
I’m feeling unwanted; that’s not what I wanted,
And attention to me is something you refuse to pay.
‘Cause I just can’t believe the way,
that this continues to go on.
I say, “I wish you didn’t always think I’m wrong.”

So tell me, tell me what will it take,
To get this through your head.
And tell me what will it take,
Until you see things through from end to end.

Excuse me, but isn’t this the way,
That things always turn into something good?
You’ve tried to, ignore the things I say,
But in the end you found you never could.

Hey hey, can you hear anything I say?
You search for the short-cut, you live life but for what?
I love you and hope you will find the truth some day.
‘Cause I just can’t believe the way,
That this continues to go on.
I say, “I wish you didn’t always think I’m wrong.”

So tell me, tell me what will it take,
To get this through your head.
And tell me what will it take,
Until you see things through from end to end.

So tell me, tell me what will it take,
To get this through your head.
And tell me what will it take,
To get you on my good side again.

And tell me what will it take,
To get this through your head.
And tell me what will it take,
To forget what you knew,
Just let him find you.

And then you’ll see things through,
From end to end.
- Relient K, From End to End

While I’m quoting Relient K, I might as well quote some other lines.

“Maybe it’s them, or maybe it’s me. Or maybe it’s Maybelline.”
(Maybe It’s Maybelline) - No one ever wins the Blame Game, so why do I want to play?

“You’re the only One that understands completely. You’re the only One who knows me yet still loves me completely.”
(I Am Understood?) - Agreed.

“And I won’t sit back, and take this anymore, ‘Cause I’m done with that. I’ve got one foot out the door, and to go back where I was would just be wrong. I’m pressing on.”
(Pressing On) - “Vent radioactive gas?” | “No.” | “Meltdown imminent.”.

“The way that girl can break a heart, it’s like a work of art … Live your life for those you love … And I’m still waiting for you to be the one I’m waiting for.”
(The One I’m Waiting For) - The acoustic version of this song really brings out the emo vibes that were always hiding in this song.

“And even though I’m angry I can still say I know my heart will break the day when you peel out and drive away. I can’t believe this happened.”
(Which to Bury; Us of the Hatchet) - This would be a shameful way to die. Hurting, but I’m scared to even think of the brand new world of pain death would bring.

“All because you’re giving me a breakdown. Stuck on the side of the road; emotional overload. He’ll seek and destroy everything that I enjoy but I won’t be the one he takes down. No, I won’t breakdown.”
(Breakdown)

“We see the problem and the risk, but nothing’s solved. We just say, ‘Tisk, tisk, tisk,’ and, ‘Shame, shame, shame.’”
(Down In Flames)

“It seems to get much colder when you cry on your own shoulder … I’m trapped and I am enclosed but I won’t complain … He tries to be a better someone that understands the difference and that he can’t show all the people all the things that really mean as much as he could feel … To be a better friend. To be a better son.”
(Jefferson, Aero Plane) - “It doesn’t count if it’s with yourself.”

“Should I start this song off with a question, or should I say what’s on my mind? (Add a cello here to add a sad impression). ‘Cause I’m not looking forward to leaving my friends all behind.”
(My Way Or The Highway…) - Don’t get me wrong, I know I should be thankful to God for giving friends - at all - but sometimes I just feel a bit too alienated from them to truly be a friend of theirs; more of an acquaintance by their actions.

“I was thinking (overthinking) about exactly how I’m not exactly Him. I’ll break my heart in two more times than you could ever do … On a one track mind, and You’re so out of touch ’cause I’m so far behind … ‘Cause after all of the sparks you’re still alone in the dark.”
(Overthinking) - Wow, talk about dead-on.

“Jesus, I pray: just know what I’m tryin’ to say. Jesus, I plead: please purify me, make my heart clean, drench me with Your mercy. Jesus, I pray: I love You, I need You. For the rest of my days I swear I will seek You. To the best of my ability I’m practicing humility, and I lay myself before (You), ’cause less is more.”
(Less Is More) - Humility is something I need. I’m sorry for all this. I really am, so I’ll try harder - the next time I’m smashed, kicked, and hurt by dear and scarce friends - to not complain about it, to shut the Hell up, and to turn the other cheek and take the beating like the sack of crap that I am.

“Hey dickhead, wake the f*** up.”
“…Just a little while longer.”
“There’s no time for sleep. Get up or miss the ***damn train.”
“What? I… I can’t… get up…”
“Yes you can. Now if any bit of you is still a man, get the **** up and go!”
“But… I feel like grap…”
“Who cares?! That’s not important now! The important thing is you get up and get out there!”
“This is really happening isn’t it…?”
“No s*** dumbf***. But you can stop it, if you want. Do you?!”
“No s*** dumbf***. But I… I can’t seem to break this… I’m so sleepy…”
“You can drink some coffee or I can beat some sense into you. Or you can sleep and let it slip through your fingers again.”
“…This isn’t the last time, is it?”
“Who knows?! Who gives a s***?! What’s important is you pick your-f***ing-self up and you get the Hell out there and prove yourself. Every time. Bar none.”
“…Think I can pull it off this time?”
“If it were up to just you? Yeah, I know you could probably do it. …But this kinda thing depends on both of the sides.”
“I certainly didn’t get out of bed to go down again without a fight. I’m gonna give em a run for their money this time.”
“Good man. Make me proud.”

—

You sure know what scares me. That was just what I needed. So teach me through example as I learn to smile again.

EDIT: P.O.D. lyrics for Set It Off.

Our time has come.
Set it off.

- P.O.D., Set It Off

EDIT: And… wait for it… wait for it… crash.